


I Am Not Nice

by Chaos_Elemental



Category: Runescape (Video Games)
Genre: And also a himbo, April Fools, I read so many terrible fanfics for this my brain is mush, Khazard is a terrible writer, Oneshot, Other, Sea Shanty II, Self-Insert, Without the good looks, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:41:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23428630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaos_Elemental/pseuds/Chaos_Elemental
Summary: Deep within the dark, moist caverns of Gielinor, a Mahjarrat meets his destiny....(Oneshot Crackfic. Happy April Fools!)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 17





	I Am Not Nice

The great, dark, gloomy, doomy cavern loomed in the everlasting sureallity of the endless night, lost within the black dimness of shadow and the evil that lurked within, roiling away in the stew of twilight. No sun’s rays could penetrate the infinite darkness that quickly drowned out any light as quickly as a conqueror crushed an insect beneath a mighty boot, empowered by the strength of the blood of the enemies that had so defied him. Those tiny, worthless insects were probably in his way, or something, and totally deserved to be crushed like the loathsome bugs they were, going about their insectoid lives in the vast and cold universe, worthless and unloved, unworthy of anything greater than being insects.

Deep within the dark and gloomy cavern, I sat on my throne and laughed boomily. “Hahahahahahahahaha” I sinisterly filled the moist cavern with hearty laughter. My emerald, glittering, verdant, green, powerful eyes glittered with power as I beheld the weakling that was cowering in front of me.

“So” I said, my powerful voice sending vibrations everywhere and making the water fall from the ceiling like it was raining inside. “Are you going to try and beg the great mage Skeletus for your life, worm?”

The pathetic human in front of me looked up, his face all covered in mud and dirt. “M- m - MOMMY” He screamed, and he ran away. 

“Haahahahahahahahah” I laughed. Then, using but a smidgen of the power within me, I shot a glowing green lasers out of my eyes at the man!!! He turned into a pile of dust. 

“Hahahaha!!!!!!!” I laughed. “Do not underestimate the great power of the mage Skeletus!!!!!!!!!!”

As I looked at the pile of dust blow away, I looked back on my origins and great beginnings. I had been a powerful mage since I was 13, beating all the other  ~~ mahjarrat ~~ boys in magic school. Both of my parents were dead, but that was OK because I lived all by myself in a cave, raised by dragons. But then the dragons died!! And I was left all alone. And everybody hated me because I was so cool and powerful. 

I sat down on my obsidian throne again, my all-powerful armor glittering off of the magic torches on my right side and my left side. My mighty hound,  ~~ Bounc ~~ Ripper was next to me, and he was eating the corpse of a worthless slave I gave him for breakfast that morning.

“Good boy” I said, I pat him on the head.

“Grrrrr” Ripper said.

All of a sudden there was a large boom! And the door to my cave hideout fell open! I stood up and charged my laser eyes again so I could be ready to fight whatever worthless worm came to interrupt me. 

It was Robert the Strong! He was wearing that dumb armor that makes him look like a tin can and he had his stupid cat with him. 

“Skeletus” Bob said “Your crimes are too big. I am here to kill you”

“Not so fast!!!!!!!” I said. “You cannot defeat the mighty Skeletus!!!”

And then I shot lasers out of my eyes and Robert the Strong fell over dead!!! And he was never seen again. 

THE END!

* * *

Hazeel gingerly put the parchment down on the table. He pinched the bridge of his nose, and took a deep breath.

“You…  _ wrote _ this,” he said. 

Khazard nodded eagerly, several more sheafs of paper clutched to his chest. “All by myself!”

“Er… why?”

Khazard scowled. “That blasted human — you know, the blonde one with the funny hat who killed Bouncer and freed all my slaves? — She said Evil Dave was a scarier Zamorakian than I was! And that I was so stupid I probably couldn’t even write a coherent sentence! And that Skeletus was the worst villain in the  _ Lords of the Multiverse _ comics!”

Hazeel took another breath, and decided not to pry as to how such a conversation took place. 

“So you decided to prove her wrong?” He asked. Khazard nodded again. 

“What do you think of it? It’s good, isn’t it?”

Hazeel looked to his protege. Though the young Mahjarrat was armoured enough to be a war machine, Khazard looked, all the world, like a schoolboy awaiting a grade. Hazeel attempted a smile, though it probably looked rather more like a wince.

“For a beginner?” He said, his right eye twitching. “Absolutely.”


End file.
